"I don't play music. I conduct emotional traffic."
SCROLLI've been spinning since 2003. Not for clout. Not for fame. For survival.
To you, it's a playlist. To me, it's a weapon.
I don't just drop beats, I assess the room's psychological density, isolate emotional choke points, and recalibrate the collective heartbeat through strategic waveform manipulation.
I've played quinceañeras so intense the priest had to sit down. I've turned a tech conference afterparty into a full-on sensual awakening. I once made a CFO cry during a Daft Punk remix.
Up to 4 hours. Any genre. Any crowd. I come in with 2 USBs, 1 emotional support vape, and a sixth sense for who's about to request Pitbull.
For when your event is flatlined and no one's dancing. I come in cold, override the aux cord, and rebuild the vibe from scratch.
Includes a 3-minute silent ambient transition period that cannot be skipped.
Designed for tech startups, SaaS companies, and crypto bros who haven't felt joy in 18 months. I use a carefully curated setlist of nostalgic bangers, obscure edits, and whispered affirmations.
Everyone gets a lollipop after.
One-on-one sessions. You, me, two JBLs, and whatever secrets you're ready to let go of. I bring vinyl, incense, and a mirror.
Strictly platonic. Unless the energy says otherwise.
Was told "just play top 40." Ended up DJing a seafood-fueled spiritual awakening. Assistant manager had a full ego death during "Mr. Brightside."
She got the house. He got the playlist. I got paid.
Set up behind the milkshake machine. Played deep cuts until security turned off the power. They clapped anyway.
He started his set by staring at the crowd for a full minute. No music. Just... presence. Then dropped Return of the Mack. I haven't been the same since.
He denied 11 straight requests. That's how I knew he was the real deal.
I don't remember what he played. But my knee stopped hurting after the third song.
Do you take song requests?
Only if they come in the form of a handwritten note sealed in beeswax.
Can you DJ my wedding?
I'll DJ your union. I'll DJ your divorce. I'll DJ your rebirth. What do you need?
Do you provide your own equipment?
I am the equipment.
I don't play songs. I play realizations.